How are you, really?

Scene:  You run into someone whom you haven't seen in a while and you don't know all that well but well enough to feign excitement to see them again and then it happens...THE question...you know; THE question everyone always asks but never REALLY wants to know the answer to:  "HOW ARE YOU?"  Your immediate, innate, natural, you're momma taught you to say response: "OH Girl!  I am good!  How are you?"  And as the words are coming out of your mouth you are really thinking 'oh, if she only knew how I REALLY was and if I wasn't so afraid to say it out loud I might actually tell her.'

And therein lies the problem.  Do we REALLY tell people how we are?  And if we do, are we really ready for their response back?  I took an ethics class in college and we actually had a debate about this.  Is it lying if you say you are fine when it feels like your world is crashing in on you?  And is it lying if you ask the question back, not really being interested in the answer.  I'm not going to get all philosophical about the issue, but my thoughts are this:  it's not lying either way.  You are just choosing who to share your REAL thoughts and feeling with and choosing when is the right time to share those thoughts.

My daily devotional from Proverbs 31 ministries this morning came at the perfect time and really got me thinking about all of this and how I've been feeling the last few weeks.  It seems as though the closer we get to graduation, the PANCE exam, job hunting (and job GETTING...please Jesus), licensing, and all of the other stuff that is right around the corner---the more anxious and depressed I feel.  It feels like I am a donkey with someone waving the carrot in front of me and taking it further away every time I get close.  I am sure these feelings are directly related to pressure I feel to just keep hanging on and putting on that smiling face.  And the few times I've let my guard down to REALLY tell someone how I'm feeling, the response I'm getting is disbelief.  They look at me like 'Serioulsy, Paige.  YOU.ARE.ALMOST.THERE.' or they say 'You've come so far.  You shouldn't be feeling like this.'  Well, guess what? I DO feel like this.  I DO feel like it's never going to end.  Even though my very expensive college educated mind (thank you mom and dad) tells me differently, I do feel like something is looming in the near future that I can't put my finger on.  Maybe is the ball waiting to drop thing.  I don't know.  But I'm working on getting over these fears and thoughts.  This is a strange place for me to be, honestly.  I'm not really the debbie-downer type and am normally the voice of reason in most situations.  I'm not Pollyanna, but I do see things positively most of the time. So for now, I'm claiming these scriptures to help me through. 

Lord, I am weak.  "I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10b (NIV)
  
Lord, I am tired. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28b (NIV)

Lord, please tell me this will be over soon, and we will survive.  "He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection."  Psalm 91:4